Thursday, March 31, 2011

TROUBLE IN PARADISE?

We hear recriminations are flying at the hall because of allegations  that supporters of Donny Weimer may have been instructed not to vote for John Phillipenas and other members of the Empowerment Slate while casting their ballots in the Delegate election. Is Weimer preparing to run against Phillipenas in the 2011 local union election? Stay tuned.

LET THEM EAT CAKE- PHILLIPENAS JOINS $100,000 CLUB

Facing declining membership, trusteeship, and disiplinary charges John Phillipenas raised his own salary by $10,000  or 12 percent in 2010. His total compensation  increased to $102,645.  Phillipenas granted substantial wage increases to other Business Agents. Apparently the tough economic times faced by Local 631 members were of no concern to Phillipenas.     

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY

JOHN PHILLIPENAS, DONNY WEIMER AND KERMIT WILLIAMS REACT TO THE RESULTS OF THE DELEGATE ELECTION.

Monday, March 28, 2011

BITCH SLAPPED PHILLIPENAS FINISHES 8TH

The membership of Teamsters Local 631 overwhelmingly rejected John Phillipenas and his Empowerment Slate in balloting completed today. As expected, the Empowerment Slate received less than 33% of the ballots cast. Phillipenas finished in eighth place in the voting which is the lowest position of any incumbent Secretary-Treasurer in the history of Local 631 and the first time the principal officier failed to win election to the IBT Convention.


RIVAS IN UNION TRUCK SCANDEL ?


We hear a formal investigation into misuse by Joe Rivas of his union vehicle is being demanded.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

GADDAFI REVEALS LAS VEGAS CONNECTION













His BFF is none other than John Phillipenas!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

PHILLIPENAS DIARY "THE HANGOVER"

December 15,2010

Dear Diary,

I was super excited yesterday because we finally finished the stupid Trusteeship hearing and Johnny G. promised to take us out dancing to celebrate! I thought I did great at the hearing even if I cried three times because the members were being really mean. Donny W. was all doom and gloom and said "great we got bitch slapped again by Kevin H." Todd C. told me not to mind Donny W. because he's depressed all the time anyway because "Chilla beats him like a mule." I'm was really afraid of Chilla even before I heard about that. Whenever I go to her house I have to call her Mrs. Weimer or she yells.

I called Patrick D. and told him about going dancing tonight and that he should wear the special outfit I bought for him at Deja Vue. He starting making excuses about having to work late but I told him that if he didn't want to go dancing we could have a sleepover tonight at Chilla's instead. Patrick D. stopped being a bad mood Louie and agreed to meet us over at Kermit W.'s house at 10 so we can do hair and make-up in between jello shots. Johnny G. said he would help me put in my extensions and I decided to make Joe R.. give everyone a mani-pedi. To try and cheer up poor Donny W. I thought we should play "Pretty Pretty Princess" after we get dressed.

As we we started getting dressed Todd C. threw an absolute fit because he said it was totally unfair that he always had to wear the leather gimp outfit from "Pulp Fiction" that I bought him for his birthday. OMG it's not like we lock him up in a chest all night like in the movie. He finally agreed to wear it tonight if we promised to leave his mouth unzipped. Kermit W. whispered in my ear that Todd C. was going to regret his mouth being unzipped before the night was over. Patrick D. looked HOT dressed as a sexy pirate wench! I worn my Captain Crunch costume. We are such a cute couple. I must say Johnny G. looked SMOKING dressed as Daisy Duke. Kermit W. said he had business to attend to tonight and just dressed in his street clothes but Johnny G. said Kermit W. looked like Pimp Daddy. Kermit W. overheard him and that started another cat fight. Poor Donny Weimer. Chilla made him dress like the sailor from Village People.

I helped Kermit make the shots. We used cherry jello and grain alcohol. Kermit also had me add his secret ingredient called "happy-dancing powder" that we made by crushing up these little blue pills with a smurf stamped on one side. Kermit W. made me promise not to tell anyone about the secret ingredient. We each had like six jello shots and got totally hammered. Luckily I used the union credit card to order a limo and reserve a suite at the Wynn. While we were waiting for the limo I plugged my Ipod into the stereo so Patrick and I could dance. I put on "Nasty Girl" by Nitty and in like ten seconds everyone was dancing like crazy.

We jumped into the limo and told the driver to take us to the hottest club in town. He said there was a tranny bar on Karen Street called the Las Vegas Club that would be the perfect place for guys like us to start the evening. On the way I started to feel real happy and I realized that I loved everyone and maybe if I told some of the mean members they would love me back. I asked Donny W. for his cell phone and called Kevin H. He answered the phone and I said "I just wanted to tell you I love you man." Kevin said if I ever called him again he would stick a 2x4 up my ass and hung up. Talk about being mean. I didn't let that ruin my mood so I called Tommy B. and said the same thing. Tommy B. said I was a "punk a** bitch" and hung up. I started to dial Wayne K. but Kermit grabbed the phone out of my hand because we were pulling up to the club.

TO BE CONTINUED

BOYS WILL BE BOYS


Was that John Phillipenas seen dancing and canoodling for hours inside KRAVE with Local 631 Attorney/boytoy Patrick Domholdt? NICE!

CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS


Johnny Gonzalez photographed walking to his audition on RuPaul's Drag Queen.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

NEW UNIFORM FOR BUSINESS AGENTS




Donny Weimer photographed on the floor of the Convention Center last Friday evening wearing the new Business Agent uniform designed by his wife Chilla. Asked about her inspiration for the new design Chilla said "He walks around the Convention Center like a freaken stoner Smurf so he may as well dress like one."

PHILLIPENAS DIARY PART 2

December 14, 2010

Dear Diary,

OMG we finally finished that stupid Trusteeship hearing today. Everyone was super mean to me and barely let me talk at all. I started crying and Todd C. asked for a recess. After Todd C. blew my nose and put cold water on my face he said I shouldn't cry because our case was actually going better the less I talked. Johnny G. said he thought the hearing was going well but Kermit W. said that's because he doesn't know his a**hole from a hole in the ground and cuffed him across the ear. Those two started slapping each other until Kermit W. wrestled Johnny G. to the ground. Kermit W. held him down until Johnny G. said "I'm Kermit's bitch" loud enough for everyone to hear even outside of the ladies room.

I really didn't understand very much about what happened today. Kevin H. and a bunch of members talked all serious about how I violated this and that section of the By-laws and Constitution. After like four hours of these crybabies droning on about whatever I needed my afternoon nap and some "alone" time with Patrick D. Todd C. said absolutely not but if I was good for the rest of the day he would ask Chilla if I could have a sleepover with Patrick D at her house. I made Todd C. pinkie promise. I said it would only take me like one minute to respond to everything about the "violations". Todd C. didn't want me talk but I reminded him he worked for me and that maybe I should spend some "alone" time with him. Todd C. started sweating real bad and said "fine you talk John". So I stood up and said "There are no violations because you're not the boss of me." Everyone got real quiet except for Kevin H. who said he wanted to make sure he heard exactly what I just said. I could tell Mr. Smarty Pants never thought about my answer to all his "violations" so I looked right at him and used my outdoor voice to yell "WHAT ARE YOU DEAF, I SAID THERE ARE NO VIOLATIONS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME." Todd C. must have caught a super fast acting stomach virus because he puked right on me and the mean guy running the hearing said "On that note I think we can close the record.

JOE WE HARDLY KNOW YOU

Seems like Joe Rivas can't find the Cheyenne Yard so we thought we would post driving directions from the hall to help him out.

700 N Lamb Blvd
Las Vegas, NV 89110-2304
1. Start out going NORTH on N LAMB BLVD toward KINGS CANYON DR.
2. Turn LEFT onto E CHEYENNE AVE / NV-574.
E CHEYENNE AVE is 0.2 miles past CECILE AVE
3. Make a U-TURN onto W CHEYENNE AVE/NV-574.
4. 315 W CHEYENNE AVE is on the RIGHT.If you are on E CHEYENNE AVE and reach N 5TH ST you've gone about 0.5 miles too far

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN ?

Friday, March 18, 2011

PHILLIPENAS SENIOR CLASS PICTURE


Handsome as ever and always talking even at that tender age. That's our John!

POLL RESULTS LEAKED

TO: JOHN PHILLIPENIS, Secretary-Treasurer Local 631
FROM: T. BUNDY, President Anglo-Titanic Polling Research, LLC
DATE: March 18, 2011
RE: Delegate Election Poll Results

At your request on the evening of March 15, 2011 we completed our telephone poll of 238 members of Local 631 who received ballots for the 2011 Election of Delegates. I must caution you that given your instructions that our entire polling sample of 238 individuals be limited to family members of Donny Weimer employed in the Convention Industry, our results are neither representative nor statistically relevant. I fully understand that you have instructed your legal counsel to object to every vote cast except for those cast by members of the Weimer family but given our polling results it appears that you should reconsider even this strategy.

Of the 238 members of the Weimer family 172 answered the telephone but only 104 responded to our polling questions. Of those that answered but failed to respond 42%believed that their telephone was the remote control for the television and asked us to change the channel to "Jersey Shore" , 30% blurted out "Nah, Nah, Nah I can't hear you", and 28% screamed "Chilla this is a wrong number don't call here again."

Of the 104 that responded to our polling questions only 50 indicated they cast ballots in the election. Those not casting ballots listed the following reasons: 54% do not understand how mail works, 36% are subject to a restraining order granted to their mailman and do not receive mail and 10% are afraid that Chilla can control their mind through the mail.

Of the 50 individuals that indicated they cast ballots only 24% responded that they voted voted for the EMPOWERMENT SLATE. 66% of those voting for the EMPOWERMENT SLATE indicated that Chilla came to their place of residence and completed their ballot while the remaining 34% said they felt sorry for any person named Phillipenas and cast a sympathy vote.

The 76% that indicated that they did not vote for the EMPOWERMENT SLATE listed the following reasons: 50% Donny Weimer is an idiot, 42% John Phillipenas is an idiot for hiring Donny Weimer and 8% want Chilla banned from membership meetings.

CORRECTIONS

Please be advised of the following corrections to the TEAMSTERS LOCAL 631 REPORTER :

1. A photograph of John Phillipenas was mistakenly identified as his senior class picture. In fact it was his junior class picture. We incorrectly listed Phillipenas as being voted "Most Likely to Engage in Bestiality" when he was instead voted "Most Likely to Visit the Emergency Room with a Live Rodent Wedged In His Colon.

2. The photograph of Kermit Williams was incorrectly captioned as being taken moments before boarding a flight to Chicago with John Phillipenas. The photograph should have been captioned as being taken moments before boarding a flight to San Francisco to attend MANLOVE 2011 with John Phillipenas.

We thank Donny Weimer for bringing these matters to our attention.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

BILL BROWN ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL


We caught up with our favorite candidate for delegate campaigning like crazy at the Convention Center. So crazy in fact we hear he's being tresspassed by management.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

PHILLIPENAS DIARY PART 1

December 13, 2010

Dear Diary,

I'm so mad that I don't know where to start. The Trusteeship hearing was so UNFAIR! I was really excited about the hearing starting because I would finally have the chance to tell everyone my side of the story. That Personal Representative Mike M. that Jimmy H. appointed has been telling the worst lies about me. What's even worse he is siding with everyone that hates me for no reason like Kevin H., Wayne K., Tommy B., Brian N., Eric K., and Mark D. Kermit W. said they are just jealous of me because my head is shaped like a penis and I should ignore them.

Todd C. and I prepared for the hearing all day Sunday. I even missed the Jersey Shore we worked so hard. Donny w. said he recorded it on his TiVo. Todd made me practice standing up and shouting over and over "Your argument is invalid" . As a reward for my hard work I went to sleep with my favorite picture of Justin Bieber under my pillow and set out my lucky white panties to wear to the hearing.

Like I said the hearing was totally unfair. They let other people talk and ignored me every time I stood up and yelled "your argument is invalid" One of the mean guys Jimmy H. put on the panel asked Todd C. if I was on medication or just plain stupid. This same guy is so dumb he forgot my name was John and every time I stood up he said "Run Forest run." Everybody laughed including Todd C. At recess Todd C. told me that I was getting him in big trouble by shouting and I needed stop. I told him that he isn't the boss of me but Todd C. said if I didn't stop he wouldn't spank me before bedtime anymore. Todd C. is a really good spanker so I stopped. So Todd C. wouldn't forget that I'm the boss I made him give me a stinky finger under the table for like an hour before lunch.

The entire day was nothing but talking, talking talking by everyone but me. It was really boring like when Kevin H. would talk about grievances at Republic Services. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I'm so glad I fired him so I don't have to listen to him drone on about representing the members. Anyway after what seemed like forever we finally stopped but guess what we have to go back again tomorrow! My head will explode if I have to listen to another day of talking.

When we got back to the office Johnny G. said he would take me out dancing after the hearing was finished. I CAN FINALLY WEAR MY NEW DRESS. I told Donny W. to bring Patrick D into my office. I was really angry at Patrick D. because before the hearing I ordered him to go to Court and make sure I was the only person allowed to talk. Patrick D. started making excuses and using big legal words. He started saying something like "John you just can't do whatever you want..." but I covered my ears with my hands and yelled "NAH NAH NAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU. As punishment I made him give me a Dutch Rudder but I think he secretly enjoyed it. I sent him home and told him he better make sure nobody talks tomorrow except me.

VOTED MOST LIKELY TO....


You asked for and we've got it for you! For the first time anywhere we have the senior yearbook picture of John Phillipenas from Sodomy High School. His classmates voted young John "Most Likely to Become Cross Dressing Gay Escort". Who are we to argue with his classmates who also voted him "Most Likely to Engage in Bestiality."

FLASH... NEW WIRE PICTURES FROM CHICAGO


Hoping to impress Sandy Pope and secure a position on her slate in the upcoming IBT election, John Phillipenas spared no expense in attempting to achieve that "dress for success" look as he-she joined with Teamsters leaders from across the country.

NEW BUSINESS FOR KERMIT WILLIAMS?


We hear Kermit Williams isn't taking any chances on losing his Business Agent job at Local 631. Williams is said to have secured the Las Vegas distribution rights for "PIMP JUICE".

Meanwhile we hear his boss John Phillipenas is negotiating with Ass Bandits Worldwide,LLC to secure the West Coast distribution rights for "ANAL EASE". Phillipenas reportedly became aware of the product when he was featured on the new TLC reality program "You Stuck What Up Your Butt."

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

EXCLUSIVE ROAD TRIP PHOTOGRAPH


Kermit Williams pictured just moments before boarding his flight to Cleveland with John Phillipenas.

NEW CONVENTION SCANDEL

In the latest setback to rock the Phillipenas Administration, at the March membership meeting members employed in Conventions learned that John Phillipenas and Donny Weimer are selling out the membership by allowing employers to utilize one nonunion worker for every Local 631 member on the convention floor. This second "SWEETHEART DEAL" is believed to have already cost the Security Fund over one million dollars.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

WHILE ROME BURNS

Facing the prospect of finishing third in the upcoming delegate election John Phillipenas the front man for his weak minded band of fools AKA the Empowerment Slate recently traveled to Cleveland, Ohio with Kermit "the Fraud" Williams to study a "state of the art" convention call-in system used by Local 507. Phillipenas could not explain why Williams accompanied him to Cleveland and not Convention Business Agents Donny Weimer or Kevin Clove. The fact that Cleveland isn't even in the top twenty convention destinations or that Local 631 already purchased a new automated call-in system apparently didn't deter Phillipenas from his road trip.